Wednesday, April 11, 2007
If I Could Do Just One Near-Perfect Thing, I'd Be Happy
[This was supposed to be published about a week ago, but I forgot. Because I'm an idiot, that's why. Now shut up and read it.]I saw a film last night. Blow-Up, it was called. By the Italian director, Michelango Antonioni. (Yeah, one of them Eyetalian art films). Came out in 1966 and made a deep impression. It was... well, I don't know how to describe it. Evocative. Spooky. Awe-inspiring. Humdrum words like great, cool, awesome, etc., don't even begin to cover it. It's so sad that today's society has taken a word like "awesome," which really refers to something so awe-inspiring that you're shaking with the sheer wonder and terror of it, and turned it into something drab and everyday. Taken something of great value, and made it valueless. Which, now that I think about it, actually has a lot to do with the movie. What is valuable, and what is not. What's lasting. What really exists.
As you can tell, I loved the movie. I was completely absorbed by it, to the point of forgetting my own existence. Which Antonioni would probably take as a compliment, since the film is mainly about existences and reality. Ostensibly, it's about a murder mystery, but it's really so much more. A fairly accurate synopsis would be "Blow-Up: A murder mystery... or is it?" As my Dad put it, "It contains more philosophy than ten Matrixes." Without the cop-out of a shitty computer system.
Even on the surface, though. The film epitomizes the '60's. The photographer dude, the main character, is about as '60's as you can get. So's everything in the movie. Sex, drugs, and rock 'n roll, it's all there. With the Yardbirds and the first onstage guitar-smashing ever thrown in. It jumpstarted the '60's in London, and I can see why. The sound of wind in the trees will never be the same to me. In fact, I don't think I'll be going outside on dark windy nights for quite some time.
I don't want to say too much about the movie, though, because you really should just see it without knowing anything about it. Just let it sink in. And, believe me, it will.
So on to other topics. I hung out with Fishy last Thursday, because good ol' Easter break had started. We had a good time together, although we thoroughly depressed ourselves that night by watching Brideshead Revisited and having conversations that were far too serious. Easter itself came and went. Catherine cooked a huge dinner, which was incredibly good. Rebecca and her boyfriend, John, came home, which meant the whole family was here. Easter Monday was great, because I didn't have school, so I got to have the house to myself all day. I stayed in my pajamas till 5 o'clock in the afternoon. That's how life should be lived.
Yesterday school started again. And life became depressing once more. Not to mention, the weather's really strange. It was snowing on Friday. No, you don't understand. This is April! In Georgia! But it was colder here on Easter than it was on Christmas! And that's just not fucking right! Not that I mind all that much. I like cold weather. It suits me. Cold, crisp, and sunny, that is. Not cold, mushy, and foggy. Like today. You might as well be walking in a cloud.
And believe me, walking in a cloud is not as romantic as it sounds. It's wet and grey. Just adds to the bleakness of waking up pointlessly early, going to a pointless school, and plodding to pointless classes which are becoming totally irrelevant as our last day of school approaches ever so slowly. Eventually it will come, however, and then we will be through with this place forever. Then we'll be off to college. And then the future, with all its adult cares and responsibilities will bare its teeth and pounce, much like the Assyrian who came down like a wolf on the fold. Sigh.
I've come to realize that my ambition in life is not to work. It's not that I'm so supremely lazy, but I have better things to do with my time. Like write. I want to spend my time creating works like Blow-Up. But my own. I want to give people that feeling that comes right after you encounter something good. Or true, or beautiful. I realize how vague that sounded. But I really can't find the words to describe it. Sense of fulfillment, I guess.
Then I will ride in my personal cherrypicker and ponder reality on my own terms. While picking off the neighbors with a sniper rifle. Hee hee.
Spudge at 3:44 PM
Monday, April 2, 2007
Lord, What Fools These Mortals Be
I don't really know how to start this one off. Because last week was half really fucking depressing, and half totally brilliant. So I guess I should start with the depressing stuff first. Get that out of the way. Then on to the cheerful bit, callous as it may seem, because it always sucks when you're laughing with your friends, and then they look at you all solemn and say, "I have cancer." Or something. Sort of feels like they hit you in the stomach. And then you feel guilty as all hell for laughing just a minute ago.Not that I have cancer, mind you. No, before you start freaking out, that was merely a hypothetical situation. To illustrate my point. If you follow me. Anyway, what happened last week was definitely not hypothetical, unfortunately. Remember that friend I told you about in the last post? Not Paula, the one with the eighth-graders. Yeah. Him. That guy's name is Faber, and he was among my best friends at the school. I say "was" because he is no longer a student at this school. Yep, he got expelled. Or rather, "asked to leave," not that there's much difference.
All because he was retarded enough to make out with an eighth-grader on the plane during a school trip. I mean, how stupid can you be. Naturally, it was all over the school by Monday morning. And by Thursday, he was gone. I couldn't believe it. Nobody could believe it. The news passed among the seniors by word of mouth, and each one of us had exactly the same reaction: You're joking. But it was true. And now it's so weird at school. He was one of the few people there that I could actually talk to, without having to stick to certain topics, or feel awkward, or anything. One of the people who helped me through the day. And he had to go be a total fucktard and get himself kicked out.
I could go on like that, but I'm only depressing myself and probably annoying the shit out of you. So on to the good stuff! And what took my mind off the whole fiasco. The school play, A Midsummer Night's Dream, was performed on Friday and Saturday night. I helped out with makeup, stage crew, costume problems, etc., so I had to be at school until late at night everyday last week. And I had a total blast. I love being behind the scenes, unnoticed, but keeping the show running backstage. Besides, the play fucking rocked. When people hear the words "school play," they tend to think "piece of shit," but this really wasn't. For one thing, the makeup on the fairies was fucking spectacular. And instead of using a normal stage, the play was in the round (really square, but let's not split hairs here), so surrounded on all sides by the audience. Which made blocking a lot more complicated, since you had four sides to play to, instead of three. Also, there was almost no scenery, allowing for a lot more scope for acting and the imagination. Which is how they did it in Shakespeare's day.
Last, but not least, all the actors were good. And perfectly cast. Puck was a little seventh-grader who completely stole the show. The whole thing was really funny. When I think about it, it's mostly just a montage of good times, from rocking out to Queen in the bathroom while spraying large amounts of hairspray and spilling mascara, to calming a nervous fairy by letting her do my makeup very quietly backstage, discussing the merits of C.S. Lewis with Theseus during the intermission, laughing hysterically when Hermia wrestles Demetrius across the stage, then grabbing him backstage and folding down his collar so the audience wouldn't see where she made him bleed, and etc. The cast party after the final show on Saturday also went quite well. We mostly sat around and sang along to Queen songs. Our theme music.
So, like I said, the week started out very badly, but ended up alright. Too bad a new week started and I had to go back to school today. Today kind of sucked. Total letdown from all the excitement, I guess. Besides, this is Holy Week, which is always an ordeal to get through. It is my favorite liturgy of the year, though, so I shouldn't complain.
And I have Easter break to look forward to. A rest from all those people. :)
Spudge at 9:01 AM