Friday, July 20, 2007
Bizarre Phrases and Screw-On Heads
Everything's been bizarre lately. Partly because I'm leaving for college, and partly because of my state of mind, because I feel like the world is coming to an end, which is, in turn, partly because I'm leaving for college and here we go again on the old merry-go-round. There's a little person who lives in my head (I've sort of named it "Angela," but not really, since the voice is essentially asexual), who usually yells at me when I'm behaving in a manner less than brilliant, which happens more often than I'd like to admit (and by "more often," I mean all the fucking time), but occasionally the voice just sits there, perched above my ear, repeating the same word or phrase over and over again.I'm not kidding, by the way. When that I was but a little tiny girl (with a hey-ho, the Shakespeare allusion doth end here), the voice repeated, "Nice, where?" Over and over and over again. What seriously aggravated me about it, though, was that I could never tell for sure if the voice was saying "Nice, where?" or "I swear!" This continued off and on for months, and I spent much of my time speculating on which phrase the voice was really saying. The voice's accent was such that it sounded exactly the same and it used to drive me nuts.
But this is beside the point. Right now, the voice is happily perched over my right ear, yelling "Bizarro! Bizarro!" at me, a la Sealab 2021. Strange, because my life, while on a bizarre tack at the moment, certainly shows no signs of becoming the complete opposite of itself. Nor have any doppelgangers or parallel universes been cropping up of late.
Talking of parallel universes, that reminds me: Fishy just showed me a cartoon of fantasmical brilliance. The Amazing Screw-On Head, it was called, and it dealt with matters ranging from Abraham Lincoln, to small parallel universes trapped inside old turnip-like vegetables. Almost every line was quotable, and the whole thing was highly larious. I wish they'd made a series out it. But, lest you doubt my words, here are a few choice quotes for you:
"Who says smoking people is bad for you?"
"It's as I always say, all really intelligent people should be cremated for reasons of public safety."
"America is depending on me, Mr. President! And by America, I mean the world."
"DAMN YOU, EMPEROR ZOMBIE!"
Emperor Zombie: You let me down. You went on and on about how sweet the candy was, then told me not to put it in my mouth, and got mad at me when I did.
Screw-On Head: If by "candy," you mean ancient forbidden evil, then yes, I told you not to put it in your mouth.
Patience the Vampire: I think your forbidden evil is fresh as a daisy.
Emperor Zombie: Thank you, darling.
Plus, Emperor Zombie is played by David Hyde Pierce, one of my favorite voice actors (and, for that matter, actors) of all time. But really, I'm just digressing again, because I don't know how to end this. I don't know why I'm even writing this post. For that matter, I don't know why I'm even here in the first place. Other than, of course, publishing random posts that don't have a point on my personal blog, which doesn't have a point itself, because I'm just writing pointless things about my life, which doesn't have a point, and eventually this sort of logic sends me into a downward spiral of doom, which can only end in a padded cell and doctors shaking their heads over me.
So, in order to distract myself from these never-ending what-is-the-meaning-of-LIFE debates in my head, I write in here. Because, you know, padded cells and whatnot aren't exactly my primary ambition in life.
Spudge at 10:17 PM
1 Comments
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at July 23, 2007 12:59 AM
Zombie Chipmunk said... The Amazing Screw-on Head was fantastic...
On another note, I think I understand your "Angela" problem. When I was young, mine repeated either "No!" or "Why?!". For a good chunk of last year it babbled, "Not right!" It also has the habit of yelling at me when I'm less than absolutely, stunningly bright... I suppose we shouldn't admit to these kinds of things.
It will only land us in the padded cells.