Thursday, January 17, 2008
The Ultimate Dramatic Exit
Okay, so I know I already put a post up today (in fact, five minutes ago), but something really funny just happened to me. Well, funny to other people. I'm not in a place where I can laugh about it yet. I'm just not. No, I'm lying. I totally am. I'm staring at my computer screen and cracking up as we speak. Or rather, as I type.But let's get to the point. This whole time, my music's been really quiet. So I kept hitting the volume button, with a subconscious question mark floating around in my head. I clearly wasn't thinking, or I would have noticed two things, a) my music is never that quiet when I have my headphones on, and b) that everyone else in the room kept glancing at me (they don't have wireless internet here, so we have to go to the mailroom, a public area where ethernet exists. Yeah, I know, Spartan times). But I did not notice, and therefore, did not connect these two points. This being the case, I was happily listening to a punk song (the first one that had been loud enough), and was caught completely off-guard when another student suddenly remarked: "Wow, that's angry music. Does it make you feel better or something?"
Startled, I did the first smart thing all afternoon. I looked at my headphone plug. Sure enough, to my utter chagrin, it wasn't plugged in. And the realization burst upon me that I had been obnoxiously entertaining the entire room with my music. For the good Lord only knows how long. A little thing, you might say, but enough to make me writhe in inward agony for a good five minutes at least, and devoutly wish I had the ability to burst into flames and die.
Seriously. It would get me out of so many awkward situations. With a nicely climactic effect.
Spudge at 8:26 PM
"I wanna see movies of my dreams."
I suppose I should put an actual post up, since that last one was pretty much just a rant that I spewed out on good ol’ Microsoft Word. A conversation with my sister convinced me that I should be writing more, so I put it up on my blog. And now I'm spewing this one out, likewise on Microsoft Word. The end!Anyway, I’m back at college now, after a pretty good break. I spent as much time as possible with Fishy and Patrick, but it feels like it wasn’t enough. And I only got to see Saralyn once. Still, at least I got to see her. We spent most of our time wasting it, which is always a good way to spend time, if you’re with the right people. Which I was. They made me watch Silent Hill, which is quite a good horror movie. I know, because it scared the absolute shit out of me. But I wanted to see it, because here’s the cool thing: There’s a boy in my class who lives in the town that they used for the movie. According to him, they had to clean it up for the film. I cannot imagine. All I know is that if I lived there, I’d have to move far, far away after watching that movie.
We also watched Batman Begins, which I mention only because it sparked off a deep obsession (at least on the part of Lauren and myself) with Cillian Murphy. Yes, I admit it. I’m an utter Murphy-fanatic (by the way, we discovered that Patrick looks just like him. He denies this strenuously, but it’s true. Fishy got lucky in the boyfriend department). It’s not even about the looks, really, for me. He’s a fantastic actor. Blends into each role, etc. I think he’s miles beyond Johnny Depp, partly because I’m sick and tired of Depp, but also because Cillian’s amazing. Of course, from there we waged a campaign to watch every movie Murphy’s ever been in, such as Red Eye, which is a surprisingly decent thriller. Cillian makes a very good villain. I was also introduced to 28 Days Later, which is now one of my favorite films. It’s funny, because it’s the type of film I would snob off if I hadn’t been made to see it, but now that I have watched it, I adore it. Quite a good semi-indie suspense movie. And it’s not that scary at all.
I’m rambling on in this manner, because I don’t want to talk about college, really. I’ve discovered more and more this year that I just don’t like it here. The academics don’t interest me, and the social life leaves something to be desired. I’m just not happy, is what it all boils down to. Plus, I went drinking last Friday (I would say night, but it started in the afternoon and then went on into the evening), during which time Leon, one of my best friends here, decided to break the news to us that he was leaving on Sunday. For good. Needless to say, total buzz-kill. I nearly started crying on him, and remained depressed for the rest of the evening. Fuck, I'm still depressed. I don’t know what we’re going to do without him. He’s the king of our group. His car, his tunes, his total willingness to go out and get hammered any and every night of the week.... Also, he’s very good-looking. Polish, and all. What is it with Eastern Europeans? They’re fucking gorgeous.
So yeah, Leon’s bringing down the class average attractiveness by a lot with his departure, and the rest of us are in mourning. I understand why he’s leaving; I don’t want to stay here myself. I’m not sure what I want to do, exactly. Transfer somewhere, probably. Somewhere I can fulfill my dream of becoming a film director, and making beautiful, beautiful movies. Which would cause my parents to have one massive heart attack (studying film, not making beautiful movies). Well, you know what? Someday I'll win an Oscar. That'll show 'em.
Or, you know, become a bum on the streets. That would show them too.
Spudge at 8:13 PM
Sunday, January 13, 2008
The Shit He Most Definitely Ain't (oh yeah, and SPOILER ALERT)
While I was home on break, Lauren, Patrick, and I all went to see Sweeney Todd. It’s been a few weeks since then, but I still need to write about it, because it’s the type of movie that everyone will love. Everyone meaning teen girls with crushes on Johnny Depp, crushes on Tim Burton, wannabe goths, or combinations of the three. I fucking hated it. Well, that’s not true. I didn’t completely hate it. Parts of it were quite good. The scenery, the costumes, and the acting, among other things. Depp gave a great performance, which was unfortunately undermined by other flaws within the movie. For one thing, Sweeney is traditionally supposed to be a bass, which Depp is decidedly not.I suppose that brings me to the main overall point that I hated about the movie: It wasn’t faithful to the musical, or even to the spirit of the musical (and I love the musical). If it was faithful to anything, it was to Tim Burton. Which can be said about almost all of his films. For the most part, a Tim Burton fim is exactly that. A Tim Burton film. And you’re left with the impression that somewhere, Tim Burton is sitting back and chuckling to himself that he’s the absolute shit. I wish he wouldn’t, for obvious reasons, a very strong one being that it takes away, not only from the soul of the movie, but also very much from the acting. No matter how strong the actors may be, you still think of it as A Tim Burton Film. Because that’s what it is, no matter who else contributed to it. Don’t get me wrong, I do like some of his movies, especially Ed Wood, and Sleepy Hollow (minus the retarded witchcraft bits). I even have something of a soft spot for Edward Scissorhands, partly because it was his first movie, and I can forgive a lot for that. I appreciate A Nightmare Before Christmas too, mostly for the fact that it didn’t include Depp. Honestly, I don’t understand why those two are married to each other. Depp is way less annoying in his non-Burton films, and as for Burton, has it ever occurred to him that using the same actor for every film is slightly boring?
But I digress. What I really want to talk about is Sweeney, because, damnit, somebody’s got to take a stand against the tide of mindless Burton-ites. I liked most of the things that were in the film, but what I don’t understand is why he took out so much. So much that was essential for the musical. To start from the beginning, he completely cut “The Ballad of Sweeney Todd,” which is the defining song of the musical. I just don’t understand. How can you have Sweeney Todd without his song? And it would have been so easy, too. They had all they needed. I keep thinking about this. He would just’ve had to have a fairly artsy opening-credits sequence, with all the cast singing the song (which is how the musical usually opens), and then, of course have Sweeney sing the last bit, “What happened then, well, that's the play / And he wouldn’t want us to give it away / Not Sweeney / Not Sweeney Todd / The Demon Barber of Fleet Street!” That part, if done right, can give you chills. And Depp could easily give you chills. I know he could. So why the hell not? Instead he had a really retarded opening sequence that looked exactly like the opening sequence to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, except with very obviously fake blood (seriously. It looked like paint) instead of molten chocolate. He also cut all the choral bits out, most of which are very good.
Some of his cuts make sense, and some his cuts I agree with. But why would he cut the Beggarwoman’s opening song in “No Place Like London?” It’s important, because it sets up her character in a disturbing way, ultimately making the end of the play much more gruesome and tragic. In the film, she’s introduced much later as a very random character. In fact, Tim Burton shied away from all of the more disturbing parts of the play. You have to admit, Burton’s a damn softie. He also skillfully removed all of the character conflict. For instance, Alan Rickman did a great job as the Judge, but I don’t see why his “Mea Culpa/Johanna” song was cut. That song shows off the disturbing side of the Judge’s character, and gives it some conflict. Makes it interesting. To be honest, the sadistic side of me was also looking forward to watching Rickman whip himself. The song also makes later parts of the play more gruesome, specifically his death, when he’s singing the refrain from it. Now that I think of it, though, I believe Burton removed all the character conflict. What, is he afraid of handling characters with maybe more than one side to them?
It was also far too serious. Most of the play is meant to be very sarcastic, and the characters are bitingly clever, specifically Todd and Mrs Lovett. Somehow, it’s just so much more disturbing when they laugh, because it shows that Todd, at least, has gone so far into his bitterness that he’s joking about it. I wouldn’t have cut as much of “A Little Priest.” It’s one of the most clever parts of the play. And I would definitely have made them laugh. They were having fun, in a really sick way. And that’s pretty much what the play is about. Being so disillusioned with the world that you can find a grisly pleasure in it. But Burton missed that point.
The worst part of the movie by far, however, was the ending. It was the ending that made me furious. The ending is the reason I’m writing this now. Because Burton changed it. Once again, he pussied out of the play’s essential sickness and changed it so that it really doesn’t make much sense. In the real version, Toby goes crazy. He’s completely out of his mind, obsessed only with the idea of making more pies, trying pathetically to crank the meat grinder when Johanna and Anthony come into the cellar and find the mess. But in Burton’s version, Toby just picks up the razor and kills Sweeney. That’s it. No point. No bitterness. No innocence-about-to-be-ruined in the case of Johanna and Anthony. In fact, he doesn’t even bother to wrap up their story. Just leaves a ton of loose ends. And misses the point of the play completely. That’s why it’s so important to have the actors who play Johanna and Anthony also play the young Sweeney and his wife. It’s because they’re exactly like he used to be: “A foolish barber and his wife / She was his reason and his life / And she was beautiful / And she was virtuous / And he was naïve.” At the final moment of the play, the climax of horror and tragedy, Toby straightens up from the grinder and sings, “Attend the tale of Sweeney Todd!” Johanna and Anthony join in, and so does each member of the cast in their turn until they’re all singing in an incredible ensemble, with the choir backing it up, making a point about how Sweeney could be anyone of us, anywhere, until finally they point to Sweeney and Mrs. Lovett who have the final words as they finish the song together.
But no, in Burton’s version, there is no climax. Like I said, Toby doesn’t go crazy, and there is no mind-blowing finale to the play. What makes it so frustrating is, it would have been so easy! Like I said before, they had all the shit they needed! They just didn’t use it. It could’ve been so cool, all the actors coming into the cellar, covered with blood, singing, while the final credits roll. So gory and hardcore, like the play itself. Or rather, like the play is supposed to be. But then again, Tim Burton is just about anything but hardcore. And, as I’ve also pointed out, this wasn’t Sweeney Todd. This was A Tim Burton Film.
What was I expecting, anyway? Damn it all.
Spudge at 3:47 PM